You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
