I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
