Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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