My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
