I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
