Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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