I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Randomize
