don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
