I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
