I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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