i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
