I forgot how hot balto sounded
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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