my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
