I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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