That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
