but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
