Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
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