absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i permit you to call me
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
