OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
