its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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