ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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