i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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