I am puke
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
