fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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