After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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