I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
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