At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Randomize
