i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
It's blow job season.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
