Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
