She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
