Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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