Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
