I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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