omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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