I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
