I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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