he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
