She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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