you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
