What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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