Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
