I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Randomize
