There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
