I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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