Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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