covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
