ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
