Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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