See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
