I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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