Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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