I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
there was a trapeze. enough said
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Randomize
