After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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