Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize