And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
