after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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