no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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