Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I need to wash the frat house off of me
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
