I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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