my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
