I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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