I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
