I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just want nice things and good sex
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
