FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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