It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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