I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
