It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
