I just saw a hot homeless man
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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