The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You dont lie about slip and slides
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
